8 months ago I spent countless nights sitting up in bed at 3am, pressing the “call back” button repeatedly after each previous call hit voicemail. I’d be shaking, sobbing, and my preggo belly was contracting. I was flaming mad and extremely sad. I’d send message after message after message, some as angry as “I hate you,” but most as heartbreaking as “I need you.” I’d wake up feeling tired, sore, dazed and confused. I wasn’t enough.
I would cry every day and I didn’t think it could stop. I didn’t even care.. And that’s a scary place to be in.
I felt angry, hostile, ungodly, and a combination of emotions that I could only explain as ‘psycho,’ as much as I’m extremely embarrassed to admit. I felt ashamed of myself, of my thoughts, and of my life. I lost control of all things: my optimism, my sanity, my self-worth, my finances, my dreams.
As I’m on my own roller coaster that’s nowhere near over, I’m sharing this for you.. You in the corner, crying yourself to sleep. You, looking in the mirror and crumbling inside. You, feeling sad or mad or ungodly, and guilty for it when you look at your children. You, sitting at the top of the stairs, head in your lap and hands trembling. You, feeling exhausted and worried and stretched way too thin.
From one underdog to another, I get you.
You are enough, you are worthy, you are loved, I get you.
It’s okay to have seasons where you just don’t feel ‘it.’ Don’t feel strong enough, or pretty enough, or happy enough, or just… Enough.
Strength isn’t measured by muscle mass.
‘Pretty’ isn’t decided by a mirror.
Happiness doesn’t always wear a smile.
Being ‘enough’… Sometimes means accepting failure, as triumph.
The best we can do for ourselves in this present day, is to get up, dress up, and show up to what life has to offer. From one underdog to another, I’m rooting for you.
As always, feel free to share, comment, or message me.. My heart is always open.